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“Love Only Needs Three Words”

“Thank you, please, yes”, these are the three words that love needs, according to Bert Hellinger. Thank you, please, yes. They are simple and direct. Like other healing words we use in constellations, they are not words we say in our daily life, in that way, in a bundle, slowly, and in this particular order. They are words that speak to the soul.

When we can say these three words to our parents, we are connected to love.

“Thank you” means that I take life fully and everything that you gave me. The life that came through you.

The second magic word is “please”. Looking at my parents, I say “please”. This word opens my heart to everything that my parents give me, and opens my parents’ heart in a way that they can give me more. Without this “please” parents can give very little.

Then comes the third magic word: “yes”. Yes, I take you exactly as you are, and you can have me as you child. Yes, I take life exactly as you give it to me.

Many problems arise because we are separated from our parents, through distance or rejection. Saying these three words reconnects us with our parents and with the source of our existence. “Love is very simple”, says Hellinger.

Simple means easy to understand or to do. What heals is easy, like our grandmothers old remedies, like Indigenous medicine and Native bush tucker. A loving hand on the feverish forehead of a child, a soothing bath for our sore body, a comforting cup of tea for the bereaved or a rose in a vase for the bedridden. A simple gesture, a simple word that is easy to understand.

Simple also means essential. Truth is simple. The movements of the soul are simple. Little words like thank you, please, yes, touch us deeply in our beings and reach the soul of others.

Hellinger further explains that in a couple relationship love prevails when we can say to each other these same words, in the reversed order. “Yes, please, thank you”.

Both partners look at each other and say “yes”. I take you exactly as you are, and in you I also love your mother and your father as they are. Yes, I agree to your past and to your destiny. Yes.

The second word is “please”. Through this word we show our vulnerability, their heart opens up and feel the pull to give. When we say “please” we also become smaller and needy and we are open to receive the gift.

Then the third word, “thank you”, comes naturally. Everything is very simple, love is very simple. It only needs three words: yes, please, thank you.

When I do workshops I start with a meditation that acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we meet. I often invite everyone to visualise the Traditional Owners of that particular country in front of them, and say these three words that carry the message of this acknowledgement, “thank you, sorry, please”.

“Thank you” for taking care of this country and for sharing this land with us. For welcoming us and allowing us to live here and to work together for a common future. Thank you, I show my gratitude for being here, I don’t take anything for granted. Thank you.

The second word is “sorry”. Sorry for the wounds of the past, the scars that are not healed yet, the present that still hurts. Sorry from the bottom of our heart. Your tears are our tears. We take our part of responsibility for what happened, for what is still happening.

With the third word “please” we become more humble. Saying “please” we honor and respect them as our First Nations, the first ones who came. Please, show us how to care for country, how to repair our wrongdoings, how to deep listen, help us how to do dadirri, to “tap into that deep spring that is inside us.”

These simple words are powerful. We can say them slowly and breathe afterwards, to give time to the soul to be moved by them. Then we can wait in deep stillness. These words bring a shift in our body, mind and soul. Hellinger says that reconciliation is not collective, it can only be individual. One person at a time. It starts with me, with you, with us.


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