“Being Like Our Place”

Stories of migration, told and untold, are still alive in our bodies. First, second, or third generations of migrants carry memories of displacement, grief, and separation. If migration belongs to your family story, chances are that part of your heritage is still wanting to be acknowledged. Maybe yourself or someone in your family, one, two, three, or four generations ago, came from another country to start anew here. Following an intuition, looking for better opportunities, escaping war, fleeing from personal trauma, many left behind families, dreams, careers, their language, their heart, and even their name.

Migration can be at the root of many symptoms of our everyday life: difficulties finding a job, not finding our vocation, health issues, feeling alone, lack of self-confidence, fear of being seen, the dilemma ‘should I stay, or should I go’?

In places like Australia, countries and migration are topics that emerge in many constellation groups. When someone explores a personal issue, introducing the element of country in the field often brings a sense of relief, stability, and comfort to the whole family system.

If, for instance, I have a troubled relationship with my father who was born abroad, his country of origin can be the missing piece that I may need to acknowledge. I might suddenly become aware of the grief he has carried for leaving the land where he grew up. Or I may see the pain of having to flee an authoritarian regime. Witnessing the emotional connection between my father and his country of birth can help me complete the image that I have of him and bring more compassion and respect for the man who gave me life.

If it’s me who migrated instead, I might carry feelings of resentment, of guilt for leaving family members behind, and of longing for closeness and culture, as well as all type of unfinished business with my parents and siblings. When I arrive in the new country, I carry with me the wounds that were not healed before. In a constellation, I can stand in front of a representative of my country and acknowledge, honor, and thank my country for what it gave me. Food, education, health, shelter, a legal system, tradition, history… I can feel grateful for what my country could offer me, and let go of anger, blame, and bitterness.

Alongside countries, we commonly bring into the field other bigger forces such as the Chinese Revolution, the Colonisation of Australia, the Spanish Civil War, the Dictature in Chile, or the Second World War. Again, they help us see the whole picture. By including them we see the impact that they have on the life of individuals, families, and countries. We cannot fully understand who we are without seeing ourselves as part of those larger systemic fields.

For centuries humans have been moving around the world in search of safety and better opportunities, migrating in the wake of natural disasters, pandemics, wars, famines, dispossession. At the collective level, migration seems to be in service of a future reconciliation between all human beings, between cultures. In service of the collective destiny.

Seeing our life from a trans-generational lens and as part of a collective movement gives us the strength to live with more gratitude and joy wherever we are.

In previous generations, people migrated to give their children and grandchildren a better life, sacrificing their own well-being for the sake of families, and longing for their countries of origin. Life was very hard for those migrants who lived with the grief of being separated from their roots, passing the trauma onto the next generations.

Today, wandering the world in search of adventure and new encounters has become easier. Many young people migrate looking for better opportunities for themselves. It will help if they can honor and thank the country where they were born and raised, and if they can feel deep respect and gratitude for the country that welcomes them. Respect for the people who were born in that country. Respect for the ones who came first, the ancestors of the land.

Tyson Yunkaporta has gifted us the expression “being like our place”. “Being in profound relation to place changes everything about you, your voice, your smell, your walk, your morality.” If we engage in a conversation with places, with country, places will subtly change us, and we will carry this richness wherever we go.

Photo: Pep Gasol