Many parents are worried about their children's well being, trying to do their best to support them. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm seem to be spreading among our youth, bringing a feeling of despair and helplessness among their parents.
In constellations we often see how our children’s symptoms carry a systemic message. Our family is an emotional web that holds all the experiences lived by its members in the past. When those experiences have not been properly meshed, they create a knot in the web, or a hole. It affects the entire system.
Constellations consistently show us that children are bound to the other members of their family and that they feel the effects of what happens to their siblings, parents and grandparents. In other words, they belong to their family soul, the unconscious field where past and current events may have an impact on their life and health. Often children's symptoms are an expression of what is missing in the system, what is not in order. They are carrying something that does not belong to them.
Setting up a constellation for our children helps us, parents, to have an insight into our family system and everyone's position. When we place representatives for the members of our family, we are often surprised to SEE dynamics that were hidden before. In an initial setting we can observe who stands close to who, who is looking at who, who wants to leave the system, who feels disconnected, who is not available, who is grieving someone, who is missing. Then it is possible to INTRODUCE WHAT IS NEEDED for the system to feel complete and in order, so everyone can find a place of strength and our children can free themselves from the burden they were carrying. They are not held back any more. Their family becomes a source of LIFE and they feel lighter and more whole.
The more we, as parents, face our own wounds, our children are less burdened. And they will not have to do it for us.
Photo credit: Judit Cos