An interesting idea from Moving questions. How to let questions work for you, a great book by Siets Bakker, an organizational consultant from the Netherlands.
“Everything flows” said Heraclitus .“No man ever steps in the same river twice”. Quotes which speaks to us about the everchanging nature of the universe. So it makes sense to think that if movement is natural, it will cost energy to stand still, to stay stuck.
Almost all of us can relate to the feeling of being stuck in life. Whether it is a relationship challenge, a conflictive situation at work or a health issue, sometimes we found ourselves trapped and we cannot see our way forward. We feel lost, unhappy, and unable to move. We are exhausted and feel that we don’ t have the energy to change. Or we lack the courage.
Then one day we take action, we remove ourselves from a damaging relationship, we change jobs, we start a medical treatment. We try to get rid of the symptom. And it works. We feel empowered, free and healthy again. Sometimes though, the symptom reappears, with the next relationship, the next boss, another illness. Focussing on the symptom does not always bring a definitive solution. When we want to get a grip on the situation and get rid of the symptom, we actually limit movement. We restrain ourselves, we don’t see the full picture and in fact we miss “the point”, we miss the point where the symptom originated, where the movement became stuck.
Family Constellations allow us to see beyond the symptom where the movement stopped. The way we are connected to others in our family are at the source of many “symptoms” or life situations in which we feel stuck. When we see our family group represented in a workshop we have access to new information and we have the choice to change something and restore movement. This movement is then effortless, because it is generated by the flow of love and life that is transmitted through generations. It is a natural movement.
Constellations are an invitation to start looking at our symptoms as message carriers and becoming friends with them. An unhappy relationship may be an opportunity to see that I am repeating a family dynamic, being loyal to my parents unhappiness. They were unhappy in their marriage, so I am. It is a way to feel closer to them. To belong. Or maybe I was my father’s favorite, his “princess”, and I took the place of my mother next to him. Then I feel better and bigger than I should. It will be difficult for me to stand next to my partner, as an equal. I can’t be in two places at the same time.
Orders in family systems are simple principles that are at the essence of our wellbeing. Acknowledging what is, including everyone and everything, taking our rightful place and finding a certain balance between taking and giving. When the flow stops in our life, we can ask ourselves: What am I not akcnowledging? Who or what does not have a place in my family system? Where is the disorder? Who is not taking or who is giving too much?
Symptoms are sometimes a way to manage our family bonds. When we broaden the scope we can observe ourselves as a character in our own movie and we understand how we got stuck in our life. So we know what movement is needed to release the energy and restore the flow.